Halloween Birthdays & YouTube Channel Update!

Evenin' All! 

So, this will be my last blog post that I'll write at the age of 35, because once 'Witching Hour' strikes on the 31st I will be yet another year older. 36 years on this planet! Jeez, that year flew by like the proverbial excrement of a coal shovel! So, my week will consist on working, carving jack'o lantern, dressing up like a lunatic and eating lots of stuff I shouldn't eat. It's quite similar to every other week of the life since school to be honest.

I have been busy however, with a few new bits and pieces written and a big overhaul of my YouTube channel. I thought it was time, as I had been neglecting it. So now it's going to get crammed full of retro gaming goodies and the odd rant about society. Focusing of course on the various degenerates that board my bus daily. For example, I had two of the most upstanding people of the area the other day. Neither paid, one tried to sneak on the back doors, and both were drunk. One said his excuse for not paying was because he had just got out of prison. (??!!) and eventually the slagging match ended with me calling the police. Needless to say, they are barred permanently from my bus. Lovely people.

Anyway, below are several links to my new videos. (Blogger is being an arse and not letting me post the vid-links directly!) I talk about the Amstrad GX4000 (Shock! Horror!) Play some games on it with commentary and tell you about 3 of the most obscure items in the video gaming stash. Big shout to edt1138 for asking the question, you can visit his YouTube channel here. Enjoy.

Novabug's Retro Games

Retro Waffle - GX4000: The Facts

Burnin' Rubber Gameplay with Commentary

Manic Miner Gameplay with Commentary

Video Response: 3 most obscure items in my collection.

The Pixel Empire

It's the second round of Halloween horror reviews on TPE, 4 spine-chillers for you to read about featuring the classic Doom, the remake of Alone in the Dark, Soul Reaver's second outing and the seminal Resident Evil sequel. What are you waiting for? Get your vampire hunting steaks out and you zombie-decapitating sawn-off, and creep over to The Pixel Empire. Woooooooooo... (cough cough!)

Right, 35 year old Novabug signing off, see you when I'm 36, that's if old age doesn't cripple my typing fingers or debilitate my computer knowledge. 

Bug... 'Out!

S - Shooting Supremos! My Top 10 Shoot 'Em Up Games

Zapp, Pow! Kersplat! Nothing beats shooting a few bad-ass aliens, monsters and nutcase flying robots now and then, and this just so happens to be one of my favourite genre's in the  video game library. With typical invasion/save the universe storylines, a massive armory of weapons and the odd's stack against you, shoot 'em up's are generally fast, loud and above all, friggin' hard! I have included all types of shooty games in this list, from scrollers to gallery to first-person, although I have never been a big fan of the latter. Here is my top 10 of shooting games!

Giant space chameleon eh? Just another day at the office 

#10 Xenon 2: Megablast - An Amiga classic, this made the headlines for it's theme tune, the club hit by dance outfit Bomb the Bass with the track 'Megablast'. The vertical scrolling shooter, Xenon 2 was great to look at, had various ways to progress and a fine 'shop' of weaponry to power up your ship to the max, making it look ridiculous in the process. Tough, but very rewarding to conquer with a host of organic inspired foes, and with that top drawer music streaming from the PAULA chip, it was a brill game to play.

#9 Tie Fighter - More of a Star Wars simulation than a shooter, I still put this keyboard hammering PC marvel in this list. You are a new recruit to the Galactic Empire, and you go through all the training and progression up the ranks with training missions and rebel attacks piloting the various Tie Fighter craft seen in the films. Engrossing and detailed, it's so fun to play a bad guy shooting down the rebel scum. Faithful to the Star Wars universe and with loads of little references, this for me was far better than it's sequel and while it may be a complex game to play, it's very gratifying for the fans ans non-fan alike.

#8 Quake - The happy memories of playing special levels Painkeep and DM4 on multiplayer, this FPS made it's mark with me. The single player missions are fine and challenging enough, but it's the rapid pace and ferocity of the multiplayer levels that really brings Quake into high regard. With wonderful textures, lighting and accuracy for it's time, it is one of the best FPS's still today for me. It's sequel was also pretty good, but didn't better this. Some manically nutty weapons too; like the chain thunderbolt gun from Painkeep, and a perfect progression to follow up to the likes of Doom and Wolfenstein.

#7 Blood Money - With a choice of craft for each level, all with different characteristics and weapons, this scrolling shooter has a extra dimension to the horizontal and vertical actions. Destroying an enemy is not enough; you have to position yourself to collect the cash that falls from them, and then use this cash for upgrades by visiting one of the shops during the level. Slower paced then most other shoot em up's, this has the brain ticking for advancement which adds a degree of strategy and has some finest music ever off an Amiga game.

Vic had a heavy approach to weeding the garden

#6 Gradius III - The Vic Viper, a classy name for a space-fighter at the best of times, the forth game in the the Gradius series with it's ten levels of alien blasting franticness. With a few stages that move away from the side-scrolling, a customisable weapons set-up for the ship and of course with nails-hard difficultly, G3 is one of the all time greats and impossible to ignore it's impact on the genre as a whole; along with R-Type (#2) paving the way for many a modern scrolling shooter.

#5 Vastar - Yup, this again, the first video game I ever played. I still say this must have inspired Halo in parts, the rocket-man you control just looks so familiar. What I really admire about this looking back is the combination of laser/shield that the player has to manage, making for a more complex game than merely shoot-all and see. While the visuals have not aged well, the on-screen enemies are still fresh and fun. Spiky Balls, flying drills, two-headed orange dragons... ahh back in the day... 

#4 Point Blank - Cartoon splat-em-up that has just got so much appeal and quirkiness, one of the very best light gun gallery games of the previous generation. Difficult but forgiving, it's bright, fun and addictive; Point Blank just puts a grin on your face with it's style and design. It's also takes the violence out of shooting a gun, which is another appealing quality. Shame it's not easy to play on today's technology in the home. Oh well.

#3 Starfox (Starwing) - The groundbreaking Super FX title for the Snes, this Star Wars-esc battle to save a galaxy from the evil telekinetic Andross has got lots of charm. It's polygon graphics may not look brilliant today, but made for an intense and intricate game at the time, and rather awe-inspiring also. The characters are memorable, the ships design is classic, the boss enemies threatening and the levels take you deep into a space war that really makes it feel imposing. The epic soundtrack matches up with this theme superbly and the whole package is a must for the Sci-fi fan in every aspect. 

#2 R-Type - I have already mentioned this as the winner of my most difficult list, so whilst it is as hard as a cubed quadratic equation, it's still got a style and presentation that does not fail to catch the eye and ear. The looming bio-organic bosses have a terror about them, the action is light-speed fast and the inclusion of the 'Force' is the difference maker. It's a weapon system that gave scope and depth to the game, as your pinpoint actions are vital to survive the onslaught. An excellent game, one of the very best space shooters.

Realistic scaling doesn't get in the way of a mean boss fight

#1 UN Squadron - Known as Area 88 in Japan, this brings together all the best factors of what makes a great scrolling shooter; a choice of pilots from difference strengths to match your skill-set, and large selection of aircraft all based off real-life machines save for one, 'super' aircraft. The arsenal of weapons is extensive, some with very specific uses for certain encounters, and the array of enemies is first class too, many based of real aircraft and vehicles. With large, seemingly impossible bosses, great environments, differing levels and choice of which stages you want to play that fits the needs of the campaign, UN Squadron for me is the shoot em' up that has it all. Oh, and did I mention the A-plus visuals, SFX and exciting soundtrack? A very fine, high-quality game, and all in the name of keeping the peace. Of course.


Fizzz... bang! Oops, looks like its game over for this list of my top 10 shoot 'em up's, but have no fear as we get re-spawn tomorrow with another entry to the a to z challenge. T is for tie-in's, and it's my second 5 up and 5 down list, some of the very best and very worst video games based off films. It doesn't take a genius to work out that one of the worst is a game, based off a film, which is based off a game in the first place! Why did they bother!

Bug...'Out!

Q - Quizzical Quickies! My Top 10 Quiz & Puzzle Games

When all the butt-kicking, laser-shooting, spell-casting and tarmac-chewing business gets a little too much, many of us gamers turn to a puzzle game for a bit of light brain exercise and normally end up ageing rapidly in the process. They come in many shapes and sizes, some are single player stuff and others can provide a multi-player bit of mind mashing. While puzzle titles may not receive the exposure or awards that action/arcade games do, some have proved significant in the ongoing development of video games. One in particular. Here is my top 10 of the most puzzling, bamboozling and easily playable Quizzical games. Fingers on buzzers, let's begin.

The Academy Award's new design was not popular

#10 Buzz! (Series) - The quiz show in your own home; this series of Playstation titles was unique in it's presentation and interface making for a fun experience. Designed for multiple players and focused around the basis of the fictitious TV quiz of the same name, each player had a special controller to respond to questions or buzz in with the answer. Over the 18 titles released, each show is slightly different; alternate themes, question rounds etc.. All whilst remaining consistent to the premise. Many an evening has been spent at family meals with a little post-dessert Buzz! time. Enjoyable, amusing in parts and highly interactive. A fine series of games oh yes, until the questions run out of course.

#9 Pipe Mania - Simple but ingenious, this hit the 8-bit home systems with a storm, acquiring many awards in the process. Since then it has been ported and re-made several times on many platforms, sometimes going by the alias Pipe Dream. In the game, you are tasked to connect a pipeline together with a series of sliding tiles, all within a time limit. When the time expires, fluid that is due to flow down the pipe gets released. Becoming frenetic and happily maddening, it's a great one for the reflex's and eye-responses. Cheaper than a real plumber too.

#8 Plotting - Odd little game this, but quite clever and often forgotten about. You control a yellow blob who has the talent of shooting blocks with symbols on. You have to destroy the game board by matching the symbols up together. The twist comes in your skill to bounce the blocks of the walls/roof of the game area, so that they hit the right target. One of the best games on the GX4000 and for my mind, a neat looking puzzler overlooked unfairly thanks to it's big brother Puznic. (Which is not in this list. So there.)

#7 Minesweeper - We all know this one, or at least we should do. Either having chanced upon it whilst bored at work, it may have even been the first game you played on your spanking new Windows 95 PC; Minesweeper continues on with each release of the Microsoft OS, part of the furniture if you will. Mentally challenging, it's a bit of a clandestine morsel that manages to grab your attention almost by accident. If you haven't played it and you have MS Windows - Start/All Programs/Games = Bingo! Don't say I don't do nothing for you.

Mr Top was confident he would win the Chelsea Flower Show

#6 SpinDizzy - Nothing to do with that Egg-fella, this is an isometric gem that has a certain style and poise that is unmistakable. The player controls a spinning top of sorts, and you must guide it through many mazes and stages, at the same time collecting points and solving lift-puzzles. It has plenty in it to keep the brain ticking, but also requires the control expertise of a platform game. Re-made for the Snes as Spindizzy Worlds, it retained the quintessence with a lovely new 16-bit look. 

#5 Columns - SEGA's answer to Nintendo's runaway Gamboy hit (See #1), this colourful gem-dropper was to start and inspire series of similar games, but never quite having the quality this did. Played on any of the SEGA systems of the early nineties, matching those gems in lines seemed so effortless, but my word was it addictive. Many Game Gear batteries died a premature death due to Columns. Oh, and the silly TV receiver thingy. I thank you SEGA fans..

#4 Bejeweled - Clearly influenced by the above title; the graphical likenesses can be seen but the concept is slightly changed. I say slightly, because you are still matching gems in lines, but this time on a game board, swapping the gems around methodically and carefully to achieve the score required by each level. Several variations of this exist including Blitz and Twist, the latter being my personal favourite. Popcap, the creator of Bejeweled had made a top class puzzle game, with potential to dominate. It's now available on most formats, online and of course as a mobile app. I still have never worked out why the creepy, rasping voice-over is included. A hallmark of the game though if a little unusual. 

#3 Klax - Another puzzler from the nineties that doesn't get the full glory or accolades it should, it has been ported to almost every home console and home computers. It looks stunning, and the concept is wonderful. A sloping runway feeds you tumbling tiles which you have to order in the game board to achieve pre-set goals. It provokes many aspects of puzzling; including reflex's, forward planning, assumption, luck and co-ordination. It's utterly fearsome in it's difficultly in later stages but still drags you back in with it's colourful, brash look and cheerful tunes. Klax-amaze!

#2 Lemmings - Guide those little green haired blighters to safety is your draft, saving as many as possible and progress onto the next fantastic environment. A silly game and notion on the outside, but on the inside.. Wow! Lemmings was yet another remarkable game made by DMA, who had a talent for showcasing somewhat dubious themes but making them amusing and absorbing. With different ways to beat each of the many levels, this is one for the ages that calls on all of your puzzling adroitness, but the real reason why it's such a great game is because it's so enjoyable and satisfying to play. Best of all, if you fail miserable you can blow all the buggers up for a cheap thrill. Nuke 'em!

An awesome sight. Tetris of course, not the Geyser!

#1 Tetris - I would find it impossible to believe that any gamer, or any person in the western world for that matter has not played this; the Russian block-stacker that has become the most famous puzzle video game. Alexey Pajitnov, the original programmer of Tetris, was working behind the iron curtain at the time of it's birth, so it's actually incredible the game was ever even allowed to be released. The PC's had the first bragging rights, but it wasn't until Nintendo got hold of it, sold it with the Gameboy, and the rest is history. If you have been living underground since 1984, you have a blank game board with on of 7 shapes falling down for you to arrange together into lines. It's as basic as they come, but it has the uncanny ability to completely suck you in, obsessed by reaching that next level. I cannot think of another title from the last 40 years that has been ported to almost anything with a display screen, it is that widespread and undoubtedly the crown emperor of puzzle games. No argument!

This may be my first list that everybody will agree on the number 1 choice, but feel free to make a suggestion if you think otherwise. Puzzle titles are a great leveler in video game genre's, there is always at least one that any given gamer will like, play and loose their hair too. The next post in this April challenge is more factual, as I look at some of the eye-raising and interesting stats over the course of video games over the years. R is for Record Role-Call!

Bug... Out!

K - Killed! My Top 10 Deaths in Video Games

Many reflections of life can be played out in video games, and one of the more morbid is the subject of death. It can be a loved character of the game meeting a fateful end, an insane gory depiction of a fearsome enemy or the unfortunate result of your lacklustre gameplaying skills; the fact is people get killed in video games in many genres. These may not all be of the same ilk, but they all are death sequences that have a significance with me. Some are funny, some are sad, but all are necessary to the particular game they stem from. Just so you know, I have  not included no overly gory new-fangled stuff here, some of which is too violent and extreme and merely for shock-value. It doesn't bear the strength of reasoning. Pall Bearers at the ready... 

After dealing with the guests, Dragon wanted some new decor

#10 Death Adder's Axe - A foe of supernatural power and strength, it's quite ironic that his very own weapon is the source of his demise, and also rather aptly the title of the game. After you enter the throne room, you watch this giant adversary take form from the guts and dead bodies on the floor, the battle ends with you felling him only for his golden axe to spin up and embed itself in his chest. The scream and a fountain of blood are the result that signifies you have beaten the game. An impressive ending to an impressive game.

#9 Arwing Crash Sequence - Ok, this maybe not sound that gratuitous, sad or memorable, but it does present itself with a certain theatrical aplomb. After Fox gets one to many hits, your spacecraft takes a dramatic spin and dive into oblivion, accompanied by some teasing music, and ending in a spectacular explosion that underlines the fact that you have failed. Very Star Wars inspired, and all the better for it. Of course, I always blame that damn frog!

#8 Barbarian's Lost Head - This happens so quickly that you almost think it didn't happen, and you instantly curse your poor game skills as a result. In both the Barbarian titles, your titular caveman is happily fighting his way through the dungeons and then all of a sodden up pops a Saurian Beast or a Ogre and brazenly whips off your head in one mouthful or swipe.  The tiny spurt of blood confirms the worst, and it's time to start over.The beast also has the audacity to swallow it and laugh at your torso. Cheek!

Failure at the ninja woodwork exam was not an option

#7 Ninja Gaiden's Continue - This cool martial arts beat 'em up doesn't come across as especially violent, or shocking for that matter. There you are, beating up the thugs, jumping off the lamposts and generally being the hero type, what's the worst that could happen? Only when you are defeated and it's game over, you are presented with the continue screen, and suddenly your stealthy champion is bounded by evil creatures whilst a serrated chop-saw gets slowly lowered down onto your helpless body. Only by putting in an extra credit will stop the inevitable; a messily carved up dead ninja. What a waste of a decent Shozoku, Ariel Liqui-tabs won't get that stain out!

#6 Pacman Gets Caught - Not the most eye-catching, not the most emotional and certainly not the most realistic; the sights and sounds of Pacman folding in on himself to meet his end is an image that has been used many times over in various media, and its also one of the most recognisable. I mean, it's a yellow circle that disappears slowly with a unforgettable sound effect that means death has come. Basic, but what an impact it has had on the culture that grew up around it.

#5 Raziel's Fall - It's not exactly a death to be true, more of a re-birth, demonstrating the  experience of terrible pain suffered during a violent death that makes this stand out. Being the protagonist from the Soul Reaver games, Raziel's untimely dip into The Lake of the Dead is a engrossing and torrid sight. As he burns away in the waters, the solemn narrative makes you feel the torment of his plight, thus urging you to avenge the torture. An excellent scene, dramatic and sets up his story with gusto.

#4 Authur's Skin & Bones - With a amusing twist, the hero from the Ghosts 'n Goblins series of games gets two bites of the cherry when he gets hit by a zombie or ghoul. Firstly, he loses his armor and fights on regardless in is underpants for comedic effect, but a second hit reduces him to a pile of flesh stripped bones. To add a touch of dark humour, his skull gapes open right at the end of this sequence. Nice.

#3 Sub-Zero's Fatality - This is honestly and certainly solely responsible for the formation of the ESRB, the video game censorship people. It was a striking moment for arcade frequenters  when the ice-loving ninja performs his fatality move; graphically ripping the head of his opponent, spinal cord intact, and holds it up aloft in morbid triumph. Mortal Kombat, the game it originates from was full of these finishing moves, but none quite so gruesome as this. Well, maybe Kane's. It bears plenty of significance with the restrictions of future violent content in video games hereafter. Gory and memorable.

#2 Eden's Release - For a morose and poignant computer death, or in this case non-death, most people choose GlaDOS from Portal. I however choose Eden from the magnificent Rez. Throughout the entire game, Eden has been trying to halt her own salvation at your hands, wanting to shut-down forever under the influence of the confusing and contradicting information she has received about life, thus wanting not to be a part of it. But when you finally get a chance to re-boot her tortured soul and save the world, she literally begs to be put out of existence. With a heavy heart, you cannot do this for the sake of all living things. Thought-provoking stuff.

Farewell Aerith... (Sob)

#1 Aerith Gainsborough's Farewell - This came as a shock to all that have played one of the finest games ever, mostly because of it's brutality and suddenness. The innocent and sweet flower girl from whom you have learnt so much, puts herself at the front of harms way, and pays the price with her life. When Sephiroth swoops down and his sword pierces her, you say to yourself "No!" This iconic scene is compounded by the evil sneer of your foe as he exits, the beautiful heart-rending music being played and the image of a mournful Cloud slowly lowering her body into the waters of the Ancients. Powerful, emotional and another highlight of what makes Final Fantasy VII such an awesome game.


On that rather sorrowful note, that's the end of my top 10 of gaming deaths. I can already hear the shouts of what has not been included, and I'm sure your personal list would be different. Dead Space maybe? Silent Hill? Please suggest your most significant moments. Deaths in video games can have an effect on us more than say a movie or TV show, as we, in a sense, are living the lives of the people affected by these passing's. Also, its always a source of entertainment and interest. Going into day 11 of my personal top 10's, we look at our hero's, our top bods, our L-egends of video gaming!

Bug...'Out!

J - Jokes & Japery! My Top 10 Comical Games

We all like to have a good laugh now and then, so it stands to reason that  having the odd giggle at a video game is no exception. They may not be designed to be intentionally funny, or maybe the humour just happens by accident, but one things for sure it does brighten a game up with a bit of throwaway slapstick, a near-the-knuckle reference or a clever quip. These are my top 10 of games that have made me smile, or at times laugh like a drain. Most of these games are actually not brilliant, or highly praised, but they do have an element of comic genius that is hard not to at least raise a slight grin. Without further ado, Let's go!

The queue for the Demon barbers was always hell

#10 Lemmings - A game that many have played and been engrossed by, the puzzle/platform jaunt of rescuing chronically depressed rodents is amusing enough. Add to this the variety of comic and fantasy settings, death traps, the ability to make them explode and the look of the little blighters themselves; blue jumpsuits with a shocking mop of bright green hair. Crazy, barmy and funny, especially when you get bored and deliberately set them up to die en-mass, just for some twisted thrill. Oh no!

#9 The Simpson's Road Rage - Let's be honest here, most licensed Simpsons game are pretty poor, Bart's Nightmare and The Simpsons Wrestling to name but two examples. However, Road Rage was a little bit better, was actually playable and, like the show in it's early days, funny. With some excellent comical show-references for the fans, authentic voicing and some mad sequences and objectives, this was the best Simpsons title since the original arcade game. Not a brilliant game, but full of trademark Groaning humour.

#8 How to Be a Complete Bastard - Based off a book written by Ade Edmondson, which he in turn based the primary 'Bastard' character off the role of Vyvyan from his hit comedy show The Young Ones, this is a really shit game. Literally in some cases. Hollow and simplistic gamplay, rubbish graphics and poor SFX, the one redeeming feature it had was it's totally bad taste brand of comedy. Whether it be farting to clear a room, poisoning the party guests with laxative or putting cling film on the toilet, it was full of black humour and fecal based slapstick acts. It did make me laugh a lot whilst suffering the torturous task of trying to play the game, so can be remembered for that at least.

#7 Leisure Suit Larry - Ha, the soft-porn movie of video games if you will. You get to play as Larry Laffer, the coarse, chauvinistic, jerky middle aged man with the sole purpose to find some good sinful times with women way above his station. His seduction methods usually end with joyful failure. Including adult dialogue full of sexual references, depiction and suggestion of saucy deeds and some coarse language, the humour content and subject matter of the game became infamous. Seedy rib-tickling at it's finest.

Not caring about the warping tunnel,
Dirk just realised He'd left the iron on

#6 Dragon's Lair - A unique game upon conception, this was basically a medieval fantasy cartoon that you controlled, later morphing into a platform title, but still containing the signature style of eccentric humour and sexual suggestions. The main source of fun comes from our hero, Dirk the Daring. He has an odd look for a knight on a quest to save his outrageously voluptuous princess. With a skinny build, clumsy stance and fighting style, manic over-the-top reactions to monsters and dangers, he's the Mr Bean of brave sword wielding knights. Lots of silly death instances too. Hi-Lair-ious!

#5 Worms - A classic Playstation war strategy game; the very idea of worms fighting to the death with a vast stock of heavy weaponry is funny to begin with, but there are so many tiny morsels of laughter contained. The pre-game cut scenes are great, the weapons are devastatingly amusing as are the sneaky references to other titles, such as a dragon punch from Street Fighter 2, and the cleverly comical but minuscule animation routines of the worms themselves. It's also excellent to play as a party game too. Kamikaze!

#4 Portal - Featuring the most unstable and surreal sentient computer since HAL, the combination of a dark-humored plot, the sometimes amusing consequences of using the portal gun and of course, the mish-mash of false compliments, mind-games and puerile insults chucked in your direction by our nemesis GlaDOS makes an intelligently witty game. Sinister, but side-splitting, and finished off by a fittingly warped but fun sing-song.

#3 Earthworm Jim - A robotic super-suit plus an average earthworm equals the craziest superhero ever, with some of the finest comedic grace ever to roam the 16-bit platforms. With the ability to use himself as a whip, shoot the maddest and baddest laser weapons and fight the likes of (get this!) Bob the Killer Goldfish and Professor Monkey-for-a-Head, this is a cracking can of worms to open and gorge gleefully on the laughs. I actually found this genuinely hilarious, and a pretty snazzy game as well.

#2 Point Blank 1, 2 & 3 - This threesome of gallery shooting games has the timid and tame comedy brand  inspired by The Muppets and similar material, but I always find myself smiling from ear to ear with the excellent cartoon design, wildly exaggerated characters and the shrieks and shouts of your hosts Dr Dan and Dr Don. This fun element takes away the serious gun shooting nature of the game and makes it a friendly and approachable series for the youngest of gamers. Some really marvellous highlights too, like the doc getting shot in the head or running manically from the cannibals flaming torches. 

Conker politely addressed the Houses of Parliament

#1 Conker's Bad Fur Day - Crammed full of eyebrow-raising bent humour, sarcasm, surrealism, slapstick and plagiarisms, the titular heavy drinking foul-mouthed money-grabbing squirrel is about to have a day from hell, and it's F**king funny! Some of the stuff included in this N64 cult classic are very near the mark, like the Tediz fundamentalists and the antagonists' name, Professor Von Kriplespac. Oh, and did I forget? A giant opera-singing turd as a boss character! However, even with all the coarseness and vulgarity you still find yourself warming to the little pissed-up nut collector, especially at the end. Not surprising that the remake felt the slice of the editors knife. Killjoys!

Phew, that was fun, some good memories writing that. So much so, I may be off to replay one of these titles imminently. Apologies for some of the bad language in this list, but hey, you've read it now so it's too late. Hope it at least made you smirk a little, and hopefully instantly search YouTube to find out if my number 1 pick really is as rude as I say it is. Tomorrow I bring you  the joys of death, sorrow and dismay with my top 10 deaths in video games. But it's the letter K you say? Well duh, K is for Killed!

Bug... 'Out!

I - Impossible Incarnations! My Top 10 Hardest Games

Most of us like a good challenge in life, this very blog is part of one! It's that feeling of winning that brings a sense of euphoria and well-being, after beating the odds and emerging victorious  In recent times it can be argued that video games have gotten easier, with the endless amount of guides, tips and cheats online aiding this trend. Some games are still as hard as nails, but you really have to go back a few years to find the real tough-nuts, the ones which seemed impossible and made you want to tear the skin off your face in frustration. Face still intact however, these are my top 10 impossible games, the ones which are very, very, very difficult to beat. If ever.

John regretted feeding the T-101 the cake labelled 'Eat Me'

#10 Contra III: The Alien Wars (Super Probotector) - The Contra series has always been a bit of a hard-nut, much like the gun-toting cigar-chewing antagonists of the game, but the third installment released on the Snes really upped the ante. The fine graphics, big bosses and great soundtrack don't mask the fact it is a very challenging run 'n gun romp indeed, even with all that mad fire-power at your disposal. 

#9 Robocop 2 - It's a bit of a misleading title this, and one of the few excellent games on the GX4000 console. The first level is modestly tough, but things get silly with the first puzzle section, and then on from there is progressively gets harder. The main reason of this is the hazardous obstacles, which are abundant throughout the platform stages. Also, the time limit is strict and re-start points are few and far between. Frustrating, but still a sublime game all the same. There will be... Trouble!

#8 Klax - After the early easy stages, the targets this colourful puzzler sets are high. Very high. The good news is you have the choice to choose whether you play these harder levels straight away or later on, I opt for later, because it gives you time to tune up your skills for the daunting tasks ahead. Very satisfying when you do complete hard level though, so this makes it not only very difficult but one of my favourite puzzlers of all time.

#7 Final Fight - From the moment you reach the second stage, you know things are going to be a rough ride from then on. Mostly because the arcade would rinse you of your money with glee upon your death. Unlike Double Dragon and Streets of Rage, many, many thugs would close in on you simultaneously, highly damaging flaming barrels and such like would appear of the blue, and the bosses were complete pests. They were guilty of cheating a lot too, little tykes!

Reports from the cave suggested the prototype
Batwing was not a great success

#6 Tornado Low Level - An early and rare 8-bit flight simulation that was a real bugger. No fighters to shoot down, no  whizz-bang explosions; you merely had to take off, destroy practice targets and land safely, the latter of which being the real tricky thing to pull off. Sensitive controls were essential for this, and the game had them, but maybe a little too responsive. One tiny move in error, and a nosedive into the runway was imminent. Mildly entertaining but ultimately unfulfilling due to this factor. 

#5 Fantastic Dizzy - A wonderful game, bright and breezy, smile inducing Dizzy fun. But, it was a bit of a rotten egg in the difficulty stakes. The primary game was hard enough, with the accuracy of the platform jumping having to be exactly right and the numerous insectoid nasties to drain your eggy energy, but the sub-games were just a killer. They could wipe out your entire quest in a matter of minutes, and that felt very disheartening having the start over yet again. Hard-boiled stuff.

#4 Ghosts n' Goblins/Ghouls n' Ghosts - Famously difficult on many levels and all platforms they were released on, this duo saw King Authur taking on a hoard of zombies, vampires, demons and monsters in order to save the girl. Typical. What was really annoying, was that once you had got to the end and beaten the end boss, he then has the cheek to send you all the way back to the start and go again, only this will see you complete the game. Hair-tearing, stamp-of-the-feet frustrating fantasy larks.

#3 Fear Effect - On the surface, this feels and looks like quite an enjoyable game. A bit of shooting, a bit of stealthiness and brain-teasing puzzle solving. However, blink for a split-second at the wrong moment and out pops a baddie to cap you off in an instant. So, you remember, learn and go again only to find that the same enemy has gone, until, seconds later... No, he's there again and once more lays you out unceremoniously. The re-spawn points were also sporadic, as were the save points,  making for a very unfair and un-enjoyable game whilst being extremely annoying to boot.

#2 Super Mario Bros 2: The Lost Levels* - Mario in his original platform roots was always a good challenge,  but bloody damn good fun at the same time. This doesn't lose the charm of the original Super Mario Bros, it looks pretty much identical, but it does put the hardness level way up, really, waaaaaay up! The levels are long, complicated and littered with all of Bowser's minions liberally. Suffice to say, the western version of this was a completely different game, and not a great one either. This is the true Super Mario Bros 2, and probably the hardest Mario title ever.

Why does going into this feel like a bad idea?

#1 R-Type - One of my all time favourites, as well as being my most difficult game, topping the list for me. Renowned for the challenge it presented, it's sequel and Snes edition shared this trait faithfully. Within seconds, a million plasma bolts, lasers and alien craft are in your face, before you have even got to a power up or thought about your next move. Thankfully, the upgrades to your ship are the difference maker, but keeping then equipped is another matter. Once you get hit, it's back the drawing board with no power ups to speak of. Relentlessly pummeling at the best of times, the bosses are actually the easier parts. Sort of. The king of frustration and head-slapping, all wrapped up in a brilliant shooter from the eighties. ARgghhhhh-Type!


I'm Haaard! Well Haaaaard! Ahem... so that's my top 10 list of the most challenging games according to my personal exposure and game playing skills. What's the most difficult game you have played? Speedball 2? Gradius? There are loads that could have made this list in all honesty, so it was, erm, a challenge to narrow them down. I'm going the lighten the mood for the next A to Z blog, we are talking J for Jokes & Japary! Funny video games people!

* Super Mario Bros 2: The Lost Levels (JAP) is different from Super Mario Bros 2 (US/EUR)

Bug...'Out!

A - Arcade Attack! My Top 10 Arcade Games (Coin-Op's)

Right, first up in my A to Z of video game top 10's are the devilish machines that got me into gaming in the first place. Arcade cabinets: AKA Coin-Op's.  For some, the dwellings of said contraptions were a haven of adventure and escapism, endeavoring to reach for the stars and be acclaimed by your peers. For others, a soulless room of money stealing traitorous boxes that break your heart and taunt you with an irresistible continue countdown screen. Personally, I loved the arcade era. I was glad and willing, but maybe not able, to part with my school lunch money just so I could see Death Adder's blood spurt, or attempt the famous 'Handcuffs Glitch' in Street Fighter 2. As you can imagine, I played many of these games back in the day, so here is my top 10 of personal champions  These may not be the titles you expect, it is not a list of the so-called 'Best' games, just the ones that got me to part with the most amount of money, or kept me coming back again and again. And again.

But Mum, the invaders eat my sprouts... honest!

#10 Space Invaders - The original arcade sensation. The colour screen table top version we had when my folks ran a Pub (Yes, pubs had arcade machines!). I have many fond memories of this, but strangely not the first arcade I played. Remember, shoot the last git of an invader before he is in your sights!

#9 Datona USA - Early teens, local cinema and we were there, racing frantically in the four player simulator version until dark. It was the first racer I played that felt real, with the vibrations, gear stick, visual damage, pedals and steering wheel. Great and so new for the time.

Times were hard for Donkey's 
Dragon wife before Shrek

#8 Black Tiger - I remember getting embroiled in a freak game of one upmanship with a fellow school pupil; he was just awesome at this fantasy platformer, so I just had to try and better him. Ultimately, I failed but the game stuck with me. Shame most of the home conversions were pants, the ones missing from the games' protagonist I presume.

#7 Kung Fu Master - Ah yes, the very first arcade game I played as a wee boy. I was hooked by this, even though it took me months to work out how to beat the level four boss, but I loved it. I remember searching high and low for the CPC version, which was pretty good as it happens. It even inspired me in later life to learn martial arts. Novabug - 2nd Degree Blackbelt. (I thank you!)

#6 Jailbreak - One single sound effect is the reason why this low-grade police shoot 'em up makes the list. In fairground arcade stalls up and down the country, Jailbreak was always there, the grating echos of a hostage boy's scream calling out to you in the demo rum. You had to save him, the little shit!

#5 Golden Axe - Everybody I knew at the time loved this, SEGA's fantasy slasher normally accompanied with the usual argument of who the best character was; the dwarf or the barbarian. In truth, the amazon was excellent because she had the best magic, but no pre-pubescent boy would admit to this in the pressured testosterone atmosphere of the arcade. It was also a bit of a watershed moment with the spectacularly grim death of the games antagonist.

#4 Chase HQ - Few games make you want to be a policeman, but this hit the mark with aplomb. Chase the criminal at crazy speeds in a Porsche, and run him off the road! What is there not it like? It was fast too, very fast. And if you failed? A women called Nancy on the radio mocked you openly! Shocking.

#3 Time Crisis - If early light gun FPS's had a James Bond style hero, then Richard Miller was it. The Namco G-Con45 was such a brilliant gun controller, bulk and presence and made you feel menacing. Many pound coins were spent on the continue screen with this one. A polygon frenzy of Blam Blams!

#2 Street Fighter 2 - Well, it had to be in this list didn't it? Most best-game charts have it, so this list will be no exception. One of the biggest and most popular games ever, I did not miss the boat during it's arcade heyday. This game made me late for school numerous times, miss the bus home, get into real fights... you name it. It should be at the top of the list you think, but....

#1 Point Blank - On the outside, you may think I am insane for choosing this. A light gun gallery shooter, with cartoon slapstick graphics and with two hosts that look like they are on day release from the Sesame Street asylum. Point Blank and it's sequel scoffed up more of my beer money in my student days then any other machine. While my buds were crying into there empty wallets at the foot of a fruit machine, I was smiling and dancing with joy at completing Point Blank yet again, with a crowd of admiring peers standing around me. It gave be so much fun and pleasure, it is my all time number one arcade game.

Well there you have it. Feel free to add your opinions and your suggestions for your top coin-ops. Double Dragon, Final Fight and Hippodrome were all close to making the list as these were also great games for me. Hope you enjoyed my arcade adventure, next up.... my top ten Beat' em Up's! Funnily enough, some of these classics may be included...

Finally, A big thanks to Arlee Bird for starting this challenge, a great idea and hopefully helpful to all that have accepted. Find him at http://tossingitout.blogspot.co.uk/


Bug...'Out!