Z - Zero Graders! My Top 10 Worst Video Games Ever

So here we are, the very last blog of the A to Z challenge. I must admit, it's been tough to keep up, but I have done it! The Novabug-Blog will be taking a little rest now while I catch up on all my other writing projects. In a way, I'm glad it's over but it has been a blast. All days of April a brand new post, and this is the very last one, Z. Zed-UK or Zee-US is for Zero Graders. The ultra-poor, the cream of crap, the games that should never have been even given the light of day. This is my list of the worst games I have ever played, the top 10 biggest zilchers! Wince at the enormity of rubbish-ness on display.

Unspeakable things were happening to this Puma.

#10 Wild Streets - Of the 25 titles released on the GX4000, this is by far and away the worst. Not because is has the worst graphics, that goes to Tin Tin on the Moon. It doesn't have the worst sound either despite it being piss-poor in the main. No, the reason why this is so bad is because it's soooo easy, and had the gameplaying prowess of a piece of rotten carrot in the middle of a pool of vomit. 10 flick screens of blocky bad guys, shot a boss and run back to the start. That's it. Literally it! Over in seconds and a complete insult to the machine which produced 3 of the finest 8-bit games in the form of Pang, Batman and Robocop 2. Terrible.

#9 Super Soccer - One of the launch titles of the Super Nintendo, this was the bad apple of the bunch. This is a football game which attempts to give the player a new perspective when playing the beautiful game, but this novelty fails badly. Slow and unrealistic, it just too cumbersome to play with any gusto, players dawdle, ball flight is dumb and the goalkeepers are impossible to control. This football game should've been given the red card.

#8  Ultraman: Towards the Future - Taking a Japanese TV cult figure, and plonk him in a underdeveloped poorly programmed pile of beat 'em up tosh. Ultraman is laughable at the best of times, but the rubbish that is this game stops the laughing and starts the crying, especially if you actually bought it with real money. Slow, crude, repetitive, uninteresting, zero scope. The only bright points are that the visuals are not completely terrible and the sound is present to try and keep Ultra-Binbags on life support. It's still an awfully unplayable game though. Avoid.

#7 Four Soccer Simulators - Billed as 4 football games in one, this is a rare Codemaster's title that was lacking basic fun and basically pulling the wool over the eyes of any potential purchaser. In 3 of the games consisting of 11-a-side, indoor and street football, there is barely a change in dynamic aside from the playing field. The gameplay is exactly the same; slow and sh*t. The scaling is hilarious and you cannot tell the difference between any of the players. As for the forth game, soccer skills, that is pointless and, erm, without any goal. So to speak. A boring, drab and uninspiring title. 

#6  Pacman (Atari 2600)  - I could just say here "Google Pacman Atari 2600" and all the reasons for this being a slap in the yellow face of Pacman himself would become clear. A rushed out port with hundreds of copies made, it hardly even looks like the arcade classic with some of the worst graphics seen on the old wooden legend. The SFX would also make you want to hack your ears off with a rusty cheese-wire  Funny thing is, this is one of the best selling games on the platform, feeding off the fame of our yellow pill muncher. Don't let that fool you, it's actually physically painful to play this game.

Buzz looked very different before battling with the Evil Zurgh

#5 Pit-Fighter - Early nineties beat 'em up which was one of the first to use the digitized images of actors as the sprites, this had a lot of hype surrounding it due to this groundbreaking graphical display. However, to say it was a let down is a massive understatement. The images were blurry and weakly animated, the background distracting, but the real issue was the limited moves and truly dreadful collision detection. There really isn't any strategy or skill required; just mash the control pad as fast as possible. Some people look back fondly at this, but I don't. It's pony.

#4 Superman 64 - Featured on the T blog, this is a contender for the most terrible 3D roaming platform games, there is absolutely nothing super about this. In almost every department this game is seriously knackered. Responses are about a quick as a snail stuck in tar, daft as a brush plot even by Superman standards, the sound is jerky with repeated effects, and it's nigh on impossible to get the blue boy scout to pick anything up, or throw it where you want. It's all just random as hell. But the main reason why this is so bad, it's that it is full to the brim of glitches. Every wall, room and static item is dodgy, the enemies are dodgy, the whole thing is just a big glitchy mess wearing blue tights. The worst game on the N64 by a mile. A joke of a game, Jor-El would be ashamed...

#3 Street Fighter: The Movie: The Game - Another game lifted from the T list, this see-through attempt at rinsing the Street Fighter fans of their cash is shocking. Take the groundbreaking beat 'em up turned into a terrible live action movie that just sucks ball-bags, and then, turn this back into a video game! Insanity! I just don't know what they were thinking of apart from fooling the fans. Suffice to say, this plays and looks like a hacked version of the aforementioned Pit-Fighter and the other rather rubbish brawler Rise of the Robots rolled into one big pile of excrement. With the collision detection of the Titanic's birds-nest sailor and the jerky sprite movement, I won't waste any more words about this, just play ANY proper Street Fighter game, they are all better than this insult to the franchise.

#2 ET: The Extra Terrestrial - Reading that chilling title, any gamer worth their salt will instantly nod and say. 'Yep, that's sh*t!' One of the earliest movie game tie-in's, again taken from the T post, this seemed to set the formula for all future bad movie games, and generally bad games as a whole. Rushed out so quickly to keep with the release of the film that it's devoid of any actual gameplay; it's one of the worst games on the Atari 2600, by a long way. Even worse than the also rushed terrible port of Pacman as you have already read about. The SFX is minimal to say the least, the visuals are as basic as the 2600 could have done, yes, worst than Pacman, but principally there just doesn't seem to be any goal or reason to the game. Playing it will result in you loosing the will to live, a shocking game. In fact, calling it a game at all is an over statement. Confusing, eye-bleeding twaddle.

Shaq humiliated the opposition by randomly plate spinning.

#1 Shaq Fu - One of the first rules about beat 'em up's is that you have to have a good, tight control set up. The makers of this blatant cash-in piece of garbage didn't know this, and so the result is the most randomly controlled game ever. No command actually seems to work right, or at all, reducing the gameplay to button mashing free-for-all. Chuck into this rancid mix a cockamamie nonsensical plot, obvious exploit-ism of the basketball fans, jerky and stuttering animation and wild inconsistent physics and you soon realise this really is the worst game ever created even with it's non-offensive appearances. Even a website exists with the sole aim in destroying all copies of this trash for the good of the human race. So, the Super NES, the system with a largest and best range of games also has in it's library the worst game on the planet. I dare anyone to disagree.

Ding Dong! That's all folks! The A to Z blog challenge is complete for The Novabug-Blog. I hope I have entertained and informed you with my personal gaming bits and bobs. These were my top 10's, I know you will have your own and that's the best thing about video games; they can provoke different reactions in us as as we see the bad, the good and the ugly in varying amounts. For me, it basically comes down to this: For favourite game ever is Secret of Mana, my most hated game is Shaq Fu and my favourite console is the Super Nintendo. Oh, and I will forever defend the Amstrad GX4000. So there.

Finally, I would like to say a big, big, BIG thanks to all those who have read and hopefully enjoyed my blogs over the past month, to all those who have commented and to all the help I have received in writing this past months 26 blog posts. (26!)  Big shout out's to of course my guest writers from The Pixel Empire; Tom, Shane and Alan, and of course to Arlee Bird (http://tossingitout.blogspot.co.uk/) for creating this challenge. It's been emotional.

The Novabug-Blog will now resume normal operations....Bug...'Out!

L - Legendary! My Top 10 Most Iconic Game Characters

Oh yes, this old chestnut. An age old discussion in gaming circles. A selection of the most arse-kicking, noble, admirable, influential and heroic characters in all of video gaming. This is a list that people can debate until the end of time, and all will have good arguments for offering their suggestion. Iconic game protagonists for me come from the generation before this one, these are the characters that shaped modern gaming, story-telling and the personalities of the familiar faces of today. These legends transcend the gaming scope, are universally recognised as being vitally important to game development and history, these are the characters who have struck a chord with me, stayed with me, and been my guides through my gaming journey. Here is my ultimate top 10 of gaming legends!

Take two of these and call me in the morning Mr Pac

#10 Pacman - Undoubtedly an important part of the popularisation of video games, this hungry little yellow disc has chomped his way over nearly every platform there has ever been, the original game still proving a favourite today with Flash clones and mobile apps abundant.  The original Mr Man has the navigation skills, the ability to consume vast amounts of yellow balls, and to become a ghost-buster when chewing on a large pill of dubious nature. He is also instantly recognised the world over.

#9 The Belmont Family - Talk about dedication! This family of vampire hunters have been forever thwarting the exploits of the head-honcho of blood suckers, Dracula himself. Generation after generation, the Belmont men and women have been battling the hoards of demons and undead of Transylvania. An  NES classic initially, the Castlevania series is one of the most long-running and popular conceived platform capers. If I were to pick one Belmont, it would be Simon, the original man to face and defeat Drac's, and also to appear in the most titles. Van Helsing has nothing on these guys!

#8 Samus Aran - The first and only queen of girl power in gaming, way before the likes of Lara Croft, Samus was kicking alien behinds and saving the galaxy long before Miss Tomb Raider made an appearance. Donning her bionic armoured suit, she searched and blasted her way over millions of platforms, destroying the Space Pirates in their attempts to gain the powers of the metroids. Best still, the macho-type gamer guys that played the original never had no idea she was a women until the end! Right on Sister!

#7 Sonic the Hedgehog - A prominent figurehead during the 16-bit 'console wars' of the nineties, this sprightly blue mammal burst onto the scene to put Mario in his place. The plucky plumber however was not outdone, but Sonic became a great mascot on his own accord. He was fast, had attitude, and fought an insane inventor that made Bowser look like a child's teddy bear. More importantly, Sonic was personified as cool! He was just that during his 2D heydays, loving his insane dashing around and his insolence for the laws of gravity. Shame his later 3D adventures were a little bit rubbish.

#6 Dizzy -Bouncing his way across 13 games, this strange egg-man that wears boxing gloves proved to be a big hit with the 8-bit home computer users of the eighties. His legacy continues today with re-imaginations of his games on the iOS, as well as fans creating new games based around his original universe. Dizzy was a hero of usual proportions and disposition, but he still had the guile and courage to take on the fantasy beasts and powerful wizards of old. A true classic-underdog video game legend.

Energy bolts came as standard with this belt

#5  Ryu - The most revered and significant face of the Street Fighter franchise, the travelling wanderer searching for the ultimate fight is one of few characters to appear in all of the Street fighter games, his training partner Ken and nemesis Sagat the only others. Since the first edition, Ryu has been the front-man of the series, the embodiment of strength, skill, endurance and honour. He also has the most unrivaled special move in all of the titles, the equally legendary Dragon Punch. Ryu is the man of street fighting!

#4 Solid Snake - The genetically created super-soldier with a heart of steel and gold, the only one not to be slightly insane; Snake fights against terrorism, genocide, corruption and greed, all with little or no reward. He smokes, he's gruff, miserable and pessimistic at the best of times, but he still finds it in himself to singularly beat extensive armies and a giant super-tanks repeatedly. Nails!

#3 Link - The Elf-type boy come good, his life is all about rescuing the Princess Zelda from the tyrrany of Ganon. He's magically blessed, has excellent sword skills and is pretty handy with a bow too. He has even altered the flow of time. Link has graced the Nintendo platforms with honour and distinction, and all this started when he was merely a teenager. Popular and revered by many gamers, and a hero to look up too.

#2 Mario - Many people would choose the former Jump-man as number one, and he does come very close. His endless nemesis Bowser has never got the better of him over 20 different titles, as Mario conquers the landscapes, caves, tunnels and castles frequently, bringing joy to many a gamer. Super powered by things like mushrooms, flowers, leaves and feathers, he is tenacious, adaptable, quick and basically a good old soul. He also pops up in situations that seem out of his comfort zone, like racing, tennis, golf and fighting games. He is and most recognised and loved video game character that there has even been, and the mascot for all that is great about games. Hail this Italian pipe-fixer!

There was always trouble at this nightclub,
so Cloud came tooled up

#1 Cloud Strife - He has been manipulated and controlled, had his mind and body altered and lives a life of someone he is not, but the man with the big sword and spiky hair gets the top spot because of his relentless drive to put things right in the world. He has suffered for this too, losing the love of his life, having fractured relationships with his friends and never really regarded as a hero. But, he wouldn't want it any other way. The most reluctant champion for what is right, he continues on in life, struggling with his own personal issues but always coming out on top, usually adding a quip or two in the process. Oh, and it just so happens he is the star of one of the finest RPG's ever. Yes, you've guess it, Final Fantasy VII. 


That's my legends list all done, and I think a list many will agree with. What would have been your inclusions? Who stands out as a legendary hero for you? I'm going to sit back and relax for the next top 10 and listen to the wonderful original soundtracks that have been accompanying great games for over 3 decades. M is for Music Marvels, so you can once again expect FF7 to feature. 

Bug...Out!

K - Killed! My Top 10 Deaths in Video Games

Many reflections of life can be played out in video games, and one of the more morbid is the subject of death. It can be a loved character of the game meeting a fateful end, an insane gory depiction of a fearsome enemy or the unfortunate result of your lacklustre gameplaying skills; the fact is people get killed in video games in many genres. These may not all be of the same ilk, but they all are death sequences that have a significance with me. Some are funny, some are sad, but all are necessary to the particular game they stem from. Just so you know, I have  not included no overly gory new-fangled stuff here, some of which is too violent and extreme and merely for shock-value. It doesn't bear the strength of reasoning. Pall Bearers at the ready... 

After dealing with the guests, Dragon wanted some new decor

#10 Death Adder's Axe - A foe of supernatural power and strength, it's quite ironic that his very own weapon is the source of his demise, and also rather aptly the title of the game. After you enter the throne room, you watch this giant adversary take form from the guts and dead bodies on the floor, the battle ends with you felling him only for his golden axe to spin up and embed itself in his chest. The scream and a fountain of blood are the result that signifies you have beaten the game. An impressive ending to an impressive game.

#9 Arwing Crash Sequence - Ok, this maybe not sound that gratuitous, sad or memorable, but it does present itself with a certain theatrical aplomb. After Fox gets one to many hits, your spacecraft takes a dramatic spin and dive into oblivion, accompanied by some teasing music, and ending in a spectacular explosion that underlines the fact that you have failed. Very Star Wars inspired, and all the better for it. Of course, I always blame that damn frog!

#8 Barbarian's Lost Head - This happens so quickly that you almost think it didn't happen, and you instantly curse your poor game skills as a result. In both the Barbarian titles, your titular caveman is happily fighting his way through the dungeons and then all of a sodden up pops a Saurian Beast or a Ogre and brazenly whips off your head in one mouthful or swipe.  The tiny spurt of blood confirms the worst, and it's time to start over.The beast also has the audacity to swallow it and laugh at your torso. Cheek!

Failure at the ninja woodwork exam was not an option

#7 Ninja Gaiden's Continue - This cool martial arts beat 'em up doesn't come across as especially violent, or shocking for that matter. There you are, beating up the thugs, jumping off the lamposts and generally being the hero type, what's the worst that could happen? Only when you are defeated and it's game over, you are presented with the continue screen, and suddenly your stealthy champion is bounded by evil creatures whilst a serrated chop-saw gets slowly lowered down onto your helpless body. Only by putting in an extra credit will stop the inevitable; a messily carved up dead ninja. What a waste of a decent Shozoku, Ariel Liqui-tabs won't get that stain out!

#6 Pacman Gets Caught - Not the most eye-catching, not the most emotional and certainly not the most realistic; the sights and sounds of Pacman folding in on himself to meet his end is an image that has been used many times over in various media, and its also one of the most recognisable. I mean, it's a yellow circle that disappears slowly with a unforgettable sound effect that means death has come. Basic, but what an impact it has had on the culture that grew up around it.

#5 Raziel's Fall - It's not exactly a death to be true, more of a re-birth, demonstrating the  experience of terrible pain suffered during a violent death that makes this stand out. Being the protagonist from the Soul Reaver games, Raziel's untimely dip into The Lake of the Dead is a engrossing and torrid sight. As he burns away in the waters, the solemn narrative makes you feel the torment of his plight, thus urging you to avenge the torture. An excellent scene, dramatic and sets up his story with gusto.

#4 Authur's Skin & Bones - With a amusing twist, the hero from the Ghosts 'n Goblins series of games gets two bites of the cherry when he gets hit by a zombie or ghoul. Firstly, he loses his armor and fights on regardless in is underpants for comedic effect, but a second hit reduces him to a pile of flesh stripped bones. To add a touch of dark humour, his skull gapes open right at the end of this sequence. Nice.

#3 Sub-Zero's Fatality - This is honestly and certainly solely responsible for the formation of the ESRB, the video game censorship people. It was a striking moment for arcade frequenters  when the ice-loving ninja performs his fatality move; graphically ripping the head of his opponent, spinal cord intact, and holds it up aloft in morbid triumph. Mortal Kombat, the game it originates from was full of these finishing moves, but none quite so gruesome as this. Well, maybe Kane's. It bears plenty of significance with the restrictions of future violent content in video games hereafter. Gory and memorable.

#2 Eden's Release - For a morose and poignant computer death, or in this case non-death, most people choose GlaDOS from Portal. I however choose Eden from the magnificent Rez. Throughout the entire game, Eden has been trying to halt her own salvation at your hands, wanting to shut-down forever under the influence of the confusing and contradicting information she has received about life, thus wanting not to be a part of it. But when you finally get a chance to re-boot her tortured soul and save the world, she literally begs to be put out of existence. With a heavy heart, you cannot do this for the sake of all living things. Thought-provoking stuff.

Farewell Aerith... (Sob)

#1 Aerith Gainsborough's Farewell - This came as a shock to all that have played one of the finest games ever, mostly because of it's brutality and suddenness. The innocent and sweet flower girl from whom you have learnt so much, puts herself at the front of harms way, and pays the price with her life. When Sephiroth swoops down and his sword pierces her, you say to yourself "No!" This iconic scene is compounded by the evil sneer of your foe as he exits, the beautiful heart-rending music being played and the image of a mournful Cloud slowly lowering her body into the waters of the Ancients. Powerful, emotional and another highlight of what makes Final Fantasy VII such an awesome game.


On that rather sorrowful note, that's the end of my top 10 of gaming deaths. I can already hear the shouts of what has not been included, and I'm sure your personal list would be different. Dead Space maybe? Silent Hill? Please suggest your most significant moments. Deaths in video games can have an effect on us more than say a movie or TV show, as we, in a sense, are living the lives of the people affected by these passing's. Also, its always a source of entertainment and interest. Going into day 11 of my personal top 10's, we look at our hero's, our top bods, our L-egends of video gaming!

Bug...'Out!